Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
