That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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