You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
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