I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
she smelled like a LAN party
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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