I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
