There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
