just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
