she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
