She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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