party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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