An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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