well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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