i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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