Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Life is so much better after having sex.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
