Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
