He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
