it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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