i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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