I think I just saw someone hide a body.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
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