I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
