Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
