They should really pass out barf bags in church
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
