I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
