): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
