Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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