She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
