Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
