i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
