would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
