TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
