I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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