when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
