my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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