Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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