i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
