only you would photoshop your dick
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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