My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Randomize
