someone get that fucking seahorse.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Randomize
