bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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