turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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