take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
