nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
