my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Sex in the backyard? Check.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
