i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
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