What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
