she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
