dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Please don't give away my fajitas
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
