Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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