Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
