At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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