sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
